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Dont Ever Break Their Hearts
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| | Current Music: | oceana | | Time: | 01:33 am |
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| Oi yeah so as a senior now, i only have less than a month left of school
its kind of nerve racking, really
progress report go out next week, although im never worried about those
therye not real grades
im just hoping that i'll be getting everything in on time and such
and of course pass my only two classes i need to finish my credits
so things will be hectic in the next 2-3 weeks
on the up side, as of yesterday.. well, cinco de mayo really
me and alex have been together for nine months
im really happy, its pretty awesome :]
i guess him and jer are coming over tomorrow
for some trampoline action lol
yay it'll be fun :] -hahpyhappyhappy-
keegan had messaged me today too
i think we might try to hangout this weekend
although that might also mean i wont see much of alex this weekend either
but i really havent seen keegan in a long time so that'll be cool
Oh and last week there was a ton of drama going on with jessi
basically, her mom had supposedly called the cops on her, she was out all night and called me, she came over and stayed, left, never actually got in trouble but is now kicked out "officially", stayed with me another night and is now staying with some friends
and a couple weeks ago she and sean started talking and wanted to meet him, which also meant she wanted to meet alex too cuz theyre friends and whatnot
so we all kinda "hungout" and alex really DOES not like her @ all, he actually hates her which is good
i mean.. he should [just b/c of the way she is] and i knew he would, so there was no shock there
however, sean apparently was trying to get her to like him and he should know that, b/c of the way she is, she will not ever like him in that way
and i even told him not to get involved with her or listen to anything she says
b/c i knew this would happen, but whatever, its theyre own damn faults
-sigh- yeah thats all
later | comments: Leave a comment   |
| | Current Music: | catherine | | Time: | 10:44 pm |
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| so my birthday was yesterday
i had been kind of expecting an DS lite
b/c that was all i told my mom i wanted for about a month
annnnnd she started getting paranoid about money..
so she didnt get me anything and i was pretty disappointed
but before i left to go see alex, my dad got home
and he ended up giving me 100 dollars
so with that and the 50 dollars my grandpa sent me
i think i might just go out and buy one myself
b/c since i've been expecting one for a month, i just have to have it now
alex hadnt got me anything yet b/c he wasnt sure if i was actually going to get a DS
so he held off like a smart boy and waited
but he told me if i did get one then he'd still get me a game for my bday
mmmm, i cant even begin to tell you how happy i am b/c of him
its crazy, hes just so incredible
i couldnt have asked for a better guy :]
oh and yesterday apparently was also senior skip day
and since i was already @ alex's the day before, i just stayed the night again
but i kinda wonder how many seniors actually knew about it
b/c we just had a four day weekend friday-monday
so i found it kind of odd, and the fact that it was in april and not like may
but whatever... its not like it was only me, rayce and sean
anywho, i think im good for now | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | catherine | | Time: | 10:02 pm |
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| yesterday was alex's birthday :]
i had been thinking for months about what i was gonna do
he'd been saying for a few days that he wanted a PSP to play this game
so i figured i'd get him the game cuz i didnt have enough money for the PSP itself
but then i wasnt sure if someone else was getting him a PSP, so getting a game for it wouldnt be good
b/c if he didnt get one then he'd have a game for it and be like... kay what do i do with it now?
so i just got him a 40 dollar card for game crazy along with flipz and a red bull
and his mom ended up getting him the PSP and the game he wanted too so it all worked out lol
last weekend sean finally had the surprise party he had been planning for months for chris
everybody came over to his house on friday night
forrest and his friend keith were there but they werent going to the party
but we were supposed to wake up @ 7am to leave for seans moms house to help set up
so we all stayed the night except for alex and rayce cuz theyre mom just drove them there
but i kinda got to meet keith whos a pretty cool guy
i guess hes an insomniac so me and him stayed up really late
i went to bed @ 4 and he said he ended up going to bed an hour or two after me
pretty crazy but he was hella tired when we all got up [duh]
so me, sean, and dustyn all got a ride from james [next door] to seans moms house
alex and rayce were already there for an hour and were playing rock band
they also took brawl, thank god for those tow games otherwise me, alex and sean would've gone crazy
besides seans mom living up to her name as a psycho, the whole party wasnt all that bad
i just played brawl and rock band the entire time
and i couldnt fall asleep with alex which made me sad :[
alex was getting really ticked off @ her b/c of everything she was doing and saying
so he doesnt ever want to go back again
when alex's mom finally came by to pick me, him and rayce up and take us back to their house, the three of us stood there just letting everything out about the past 36 hours
just telling their mom all the stories and stuff that went on and what we were annoyed about and we spent TWO HOURS just venting off about it hahaha it was hilarious... just incredible..
anywho... im gonna see alex on friday
i also hungout with brandon today and while he was coming to meet me after school like hes done, he sorta got arrested and searched by the cops for being suspicious
it was absolutely ridiculous
i was so pissed off when he told me what happened, especially since he was only two minutes behind me when i was walking home and i knew i should've just waited
-sigh- but its done with and hes now banned from setting foot on the schools property
which is oh so fabulous
i think im done :]
later
OH: spring break is next week ;D woot! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | the used | | Time: | 09:03 pm |
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| so the joy of feeling crappy for about two weeks is way awesome
i tell ya, i havent felt so angry, confused, sad, lonely, and bored all in one so badly
i cant stand being in my house for this long not doing anything
and by "not doing anything" i really mean not seeing anyone
im going crazy, its really bothering me but idk what to do
jessi apparently went to arizona for who knows how long cuz she "had to get away"
brandons so busy with katy, school, and job searching that he hardly has any time to chill
and alex... i havent seen him since v-day...
that weekend we were gonna hangout but when i called he said he wasnt feeling good
so a couple days later i messaged him asking how he was and said he'd been swell
so thinking hes been fine, i've been calling ever since and he hasnt answered
i feel kinda avoided or something...
i mean, if he was being sarcastic when he said he was swell then this would make more sense
but i really didnt think he was...
and i @ least hoped by now he'd talk to me or tell me whats up, but i have nothing...
honestly, i havent been sleeping or eating much, or great for that matter
and its not "b/c of him" or something stupid like that
im just not really doing so good, idk what to do
i really dont feel like eating much and sleeping is literally a major pain
and i mean, i want to eat but the thought of most of it makes me sick so i just drink liquids
i swear i consume more liquids than an average human probably does [not should, does]
water, coffee, milk, vitamin water, soda, orange juice, whatever
but, what does that matter... oooh my health, whoop-di-doo
its not like im gonna die
i just have a ton of things on my mind
i'd like more than anything to get out of my house
except i have a problem of doing that without a real purpose
i cant just go somewhere unless i have a solid reason
just "taking a walk to clear my head" doesnt really work b/c i hate my neighborhood
everywhere i go around here reminds me of something thats on my mind
so it doesnt really get cleared just even more clogged..
if i had money, i could go to plaid, the store, anywhere b/c i could spend it
if i had someone to hangout with, i would take the max or walk down to go see them
i feel like if i dont have these things then i cant leave my house [besides school, that doesnt count..]
if anything, schools just extended part of home, i still feel stuck
i always feel stuck here... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | emarosa | | Time: | 09:57 pm |
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| so my winter break is at an end tonight
merry fucking christmas and ass blowin new year
i really dont like the holidays...
honestly the only thing good that happened over my break was that i spent most of the time entirely with alex
i was hardly ever home and that was really awesome, i had such a great time with him
he made it all worth while
speaking of, i was supposed to go over yesterday cuz jer was hopefully coming over
but no one picked up when i called so im hoping thats cuz he wasnt really home
cuz no one answered today either, so if he did go somewhere my only guess is he went to jers which would be a good thing :]
anywho hopefully i can get a hold of him soon
i go back to school tomorrow and im definitely not looking forward to it in the least
but sometime this week i think my and my bro are gonna go see i am legend
but whatever...
thats it
later | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | motion city soundtrack | | Time: | 12:28 am |
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| heehheee yeah so me and alex are still hanging out
once again, i cant get over how happy he makes me
hes just so perfect
last thursday was thanksgiving
i went to my aunts house
where there were a bunch of little kids running around and fighting for their turn on the computer
kinda ridiculous especially since i was trying to do some homework
but the food was good
i forgot about the green beans which made me kinda sad but then i had a butt load of dessert
sooo yummy, chocolate cream pie, pumpkin pie, ice cream and brownies
i was kinda feeling sick after both dinner and dessert lol
earlier that week i called alex and we planned to hangout on friday after thanksgiving since we had no school
but i actually couldnt wait that long so i called him again on wednesday and said i wanted to see him
he sad i it was alright if i came over so i did and we had a good time
on friday i went over around 1
we hungout out watching tv and cuddling
but a couple hours later when his mom got home he asked if i could come over after work the next day
i said yeah sure [i had to work @ the expo on saturday]
he told me he wasnt feeling too great and if we could hangout then
which was fine, i ended up getting home after 5 so i only spent like three hours there
so after the expo mom dropped me off @ his house
jer was coming over [finally!] so we waited around for him
it was really good he got to come over, alex hadnt seen him since summer
he got there, we all hungout had some laughs, it was fun
however i was incredibly tired, the night before i only got like 2 hours of "sleep"
and being really bored @ the expo, i was about to fall asleep
eventually alex convinced me to go lay down even though i was afraid of not getting up in time for work
but he promised i would and i took his word [and of course i didnt really want to go home]
he said he'd come in and sit with me for a few minutes while i fall asleep
but he ended up actually going to bed too
so we both slept in his bed which i thought was funny for a bit there but its not like its really any different from sleeping on the couch or on the mattress in the living room before ya know, but still hehehe its kinda silly
i slept really good through :]
before the week of thanksgiving i actually didnt see or really talk to alex for about two weeks
i was feeling clingy and bad for being over @ his house all the time
and since i didnt hear anything from him i thought it was cuz he didnt want to talk to me
and i also started thinking about a lot of things and was getting really scared
that thursday [week before thanksgiving] i completely brokedown
i started crying and couldnt stop, i tried calling people cuz i needed someone to talk to, but i couldnt get anyone
it lasted probably about 15-20 minutes which was crazy
i havent cried that much in a very very long time
luckily i saw alex a couple days after that on saturday
it was jessis idea and im very glad she thought of it
i missed him a lot, A LOT a lot, and he said he missed me too
he told me that he'd been feeling kinda depressed the past couple weeks just like i was
so i got why he didnt like call or anything and thats alright
but i am never going to go that long without seeing him ever again
i was so miserable, every day that passed was absolutely killing me
so we kinda worked it out... well not really but we're seeing each other
hes still feeling down most of the time and i feel bad
and im doing better, just trying to ignore my thoughts about the future and everything
of course whenever im with alex i feel nothing but eternal happiness
he also got into the GED program @ school at the beginning of november
so he only has to be there for an hour and a half
and i havent seen him there once since he started
i really hate it, it sucks
i always think maybe i'll catch him going there or going home but i never do
so i've just been trying to see him when i can and stuff
i've been actually kinda wanting him to come over to my house sometime
but im also kinda afraid to ask cuz he might not want to leave his house or something
but idk... i'll get him over here soon hopefully
im thinkin i might call him tomorrow and see if i can stop by on wed cuz i'll be going to safeway
ugh wow that kind of a lot...
hmm well anyway i should be getting to bed or something like that
later | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | norma jean | | Time: | 09:08 pm |
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| i have been spending an awful lot of time with alex lately
i love it, i just cant get over how incredible he is
last friday was the homecoming game and i sure as hell wasnt gonna go
and alex said he might way before that but he ended up not
i went over to his house and we hungout instead
we hangout like every weekend
usually friday to saturday and then i either go home that night
or sleep over again and wake up @ like 7 and go home for work
and sometimes come back for a couple hours on sunday night after work
but only if he asks :P
otherwise i feel like im intruding and i dont want that
im already over there enough to where his whole family pretty much says
that i just live there now haha
but i actually havent been over there since sunday night
mainly b/c alex has been gone from school
therefore he hasnt invited me to come on over
although i almost walked with rayce ans sean to his house
but i decided not to, idk why
i think that if hes not @ school tomorrow im gonna call him when i get home
but if he is then i'll probably just be going over anyway then
although i have to stay after school for a little bit to do a group thing for german :/
that and if i do go over, bristol wants to come so i'll have to see if its okay
it probably wont matter but if his other brother and sister come by
then theres gonna be a lot of people in the house
which his mom probably wont like
its bad enough when im just there lol
but yeah...
its going pretty good :]
i've got some shows coming up
and hopefully some time with alex
the only "bad" thing going on is that im overloading with homework
and im kinda getting behind in it
but i've decided to use my computer animation class more as a study hall
especially since i have the computer right there for my use
so i can get research done and read online notes for math and all that jazz
mmmmhhmm
okay i think im good here
later | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | armor for sleep | | Time: | 10:23 pm |
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| i just got back from the first football game of the season
and i actually dont like going to the games at all and havent since my freshman year
but apperently rayce and sean go to almost all the home games and alex was going too
so i figured i'd go since its only two bucks and figured i could hangout with all them
but i ended up being a complete party pooper
i was cold and not feeling so great so i looked miserable
that and alex was off with a bunch of self absorbed, stupid, pricks
they [or one girl i guess] kept coming up to him and stealing him away
one of the girls i knew, carsen, and of course i never liked her
shes a retarded wannabe thinks shes all cool emo hag
i just really hate people especially people from our school
and going to my schools football game probably wasnt the best idea
i really didnt want to be there and wanted to leave from half time to the end of the third quarter
but at the time alex was off with the reatrds and if i left i wanted to say goodbye first but couldnt find him
so i just stayed there with rayce and sean and any other random kid that came by talking to them that i didnt know
oy....
alex always says he doesnt understand why i like him so much cuz he thinks hes just a dumb kid
but i dont get why he says that, especially after tonight when like half a dozen girls were all
"OMG alex! come hangout with us! we love you!!" and they just want him there in their group cuz he looks emo and is cute
i hate all those people so much, i'd be happy if i could put a shotgun through their fucking mouths
i just know that theyre trying to be friends with him so eventually which ever has a crush on him can hope to go out with him or whatever
so naturally i start getting paranoid that he doesnt like me anymore and might break up with me or something
i should know, this has pretty much already happened except me and him werent together
i just really dont want to lose him, i miss him cuz school [and my dad] are keeping me from spending time with him
which has made me all sad this entire week and it pisses me off
really, i should be asking him why he likes me so much [assuming he still does]
im not socialable, i hate people, im fucking shy, im not fun to be around, i suck at making friends, i dont talk...
and i hate myself for it
alex is about the oppisite of all that and sometimes i wish i could be like that
hes actually really good at talking to random people and making friends, im not
i wish i had something good to say, i wish i could make friends.. ugh idk i just get angry at myself and feel really stupid | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | catherine | | Time: | 04:29 am |
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| yeah hi
as you can tell, i've had this account for like two years
and its not that i havent posted any entries since then
i've just gotten really annoyed with the few i had and kept deleting them
so i aim to change that
not that im really posting for an audience or anything
but if you do want to add me, go ahead
i really will not be posting that often
i think trying to post at least once a month is reasonable
but im not making promises
my main account is linked on my userinfo
that is where my life will be most up to date | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Hello people that do not know me...
Im Roque and i hope, for your sake, your smart enough to look at my info for everything about me. if not, then you really should'nt be here.
Im not a big updater but i try. | | comments: Leave a comment |
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Dont Ever Break Their Hearts
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